"friends don't let friends buy generic video game enhancers" Updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday!
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thedarkchristian, founder of |
10-09-01 lost in thought And here I sit again, lost in thought. Life is strange, you know? You think you've got it all down, and then someone IMs you and gives you a good swift kick, and you realize... well, something, I'm sure. Trying not to be ruled by anger, desiring change because you loathe yourself, and trying to bring greatness to yourself and others by making something out of nothing makes for a very full life. But a happy one...? Happiness... Is it really that important? I had planned to talk some more about religion, and I guess some of it still applies, but after a chat recently, I feel more compelled to talk about my life in abstract. Life sucks, neh? Things are difficult, and then you die. I have that to look forward to, at least. Dying. Not that great a thing to look forward to, except what comes afterward. As a born-again Christian, I am entitled to an eternity in paradise. So this short life is nothing... Which leads to an interesting series of problems, not the least of which is the desire to speed up the process. But suicide is obviously not the answer. So I continue to live my life day to day, just trying to figure out what I'm living for. Someone once asked my father what made him get out of bed in the morning. The wouldn't accept his answer of "the alarm clock", but that was his real, honest answer. What they really wanted to know was what was his motivating factor in life. What gave him the drive to get up and go, even when he didn't feel like it. His answer there was his wife and kids, which was admirable, but leaves me still without guidance on the subject. So what do I live for? Well, to be honest, for moments like these. For those times when, for just one moment, I know I'm reaching someone I'll never meet. When I know my words mean something to a complete stranger. When, for that brief instant, my heart and mind and yours touch. I live for these few seconds of nirvana, heaven on earth, and then back to the grind. What keeps me going? Duty and routine. Perhaps this is what makes it so difficult for me to change things about myself. With those two things keeping me going, changing them... well, an object in motion tends to stay in motion, as Newton so wisely pointed out. Unless, that is, they are acted upon by another force. But how great does that force have to be? And how much pain will it cause? Ah, pain. The one thing that we avoid at all costs, and yet cannot live without. The thing we will subject ourselves to for the sake of others, but will not accept from others directly. The warning that something is wrong. Without pain, pleasure is meaningless. And that opens up a whole other can of worms. So where does that leave me? Alone, to be honest. No friends to speak of, my family just doesn't understand me (I'm beginning to think no one does) and all I really have is my church. But the problem there is it's a group of people I've known for a long time, and forming new relationships is difficult there. Also, since they are so closely tied with my family, it is difficult to open up and believe in confidentiality. I'm not sure if I would call it fear, nervousness, or what. Or even fear of what. Pain? Rejection? Deeper loneliness? Well, enough voiced introspection for one rant. Perhaps too much. Thanks for listening. There's plenty more where this came from. Indeed, I'm writing my rants days in advance now, just to get the words out. :D ~TDC, who is not quite sure what he wants, but is certain he wants it. - resilient concrete PS - we're doing a little something to help out with the relief effort. We (my father and I) are selling t-shirts for $15 and polo shirts for $25. Each says "Remember 9-11-2001" and sports an American flag. The tees have a stylized, waving flag, and the polos have an embroidered straight flag. $3.50 from each tee and $5 from each polo goes to the Red Cross. Email me if you're interested. I haven't worked out shipping costs yet. Haven't had a need to. |
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All video game characters, storylines, promotional merchandise, names, places, events, titles, and anything else not adapted or created by me belongs to their respective creators. Reset is a work of parody under the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. Original content copyright © 2001, 2002, 2003 TheDarkChristian, Shaun Bell. Reset is hosted on Keenspace, a free webhosting and site automation service for webcomics. |
