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TheDarkChristian:

6-28-01

new format

I sent the URL to several different webcomic authors yesterday, asking nothing more than that they take a look at a strip or two. Brian of 8-bit theater wrote me back today with a bit of advice. His only real problem with the earlier strips was the size. He recommended that I blow up the images to 200% or 400%.

So I tried it. Let me know what you think. :)

Thanks, Brian!

Also, tomorrow we will feature a guest rant! Way cool! ^_^

~TDC, who likes the new style... parts of it at least.

PS - Remmie, where's my fucking column?

6-29-01

guest rant: everything sucks

(Today's rant was written by Jeffe, a good friend of mine from Canada. But before I put up his rant, I'd like to point out that Life of Wily has added us to their "friends" list! Many thanks!!!)

To whom it may concern: (that's you people all around the world that keep on saying that we new generation children aren't grateful for what we have), I say shove grateful up your ass. What's to be so grateful for, here?

Item 1. My computer sucks.

Call me a self-centered little bastard for putting this down as Item 1, and then you can go suck on it. My computer is one of the shittiest I've ever seen. It freezes up for fifteen seconds after I press any button on the internet (like "Add Reply" or "Send"). Word crashes on me whenever I need to make a line space, so I had to buy a typewriter. Every time I open up Reset, IE crashes. I get lucky once every twenty-something tries and it finally lets me in to discover that there hasn't been an update yet. You really can't blame me for killing my neighbor's cat.

Item 2. EZBoard sucks.

All right. For all you rich people who pay however amount a month or year or whatever to take care of the ads, I envy you. Not only do I not have a credit card I can use online, I probably couldn't pay the ads off for more than two days. I am a poor man living in poverty. I'm typing up a reply to something TDC or Remnant or whoever posted while reading a magazine at the same time, and I look up to see that four-fifths of what I typed was in fact not typed in because of a damned pop-up. And then I move my cursor up to click the little x (which, for your information, sucks too because it's so damned small) and end up clicking the link instead. The new window takes another fucking four minutes to open, and then another five to load. By the time I close all my pop-ups, I've forgotten everything I was going to write, and all I type into my reply is this: ":D". Which is why everyone thinks I'm on prozac.

Item 3. Netzero sucks.

It really does, you know that? I signed up for it twice, I haven't had many problems with it, but TDC said it sucks, and he is almighty and powerful here, so I better agree with him.

Item 4. Damn Geocities to hell.

I loathe GeoShitties. There was that big fiasco with the image hosting and bullshit, remember that? Everyone's pics were down on sites and bulletin boards all over the place, and all I saw whenever I went somewhere was a white rectangle with a red x in the corner. Why do all those fucking x's have to be so small, anyhow? Anyhow, it really pissed ME off because all of the pictures on my site were stolen, and so I basically closed it down, and keep it as a storage space for my poems and othersuch things.

Item 5. Chain mails can lick my balls.

OK. What the hell was up with that "Justin and whoever kissing!" bullshit, anyhow? I once got over a hundred of them on one day! Pissed me off so much that I banged a fist on my keyboard, causing my computer to freeze once again. It's not like anyone hasn't french kissed before. Jeez. Damn pop singers and gay movie stars make me barf. Spew. They make me toss up my cookies! Jeffe and the Technicolor Yawn. You gets? And those stupid surveys... some desperate loser wanting to know more about people made those and they got passed around more and more... And I got at least one hundred and fifty of those damned Crushlink things. In the immortal words of BlackMage: "Urge to kill rising..."

Item 6. PK's really suck.

Diablo. I go online to a friendly-seeming game, and as soon as we're in the dungeon, those level-5 bastard turn around and hack me to pieces. Take my gold and crap. Really, really pisses me off. What ticks me more is that I'm only level one, and too lazy to train. I tried once to take down a level five by myself, I being a level one sorcerer. He turned around, and said "WTF are you doing?". When he saw that I woudn't stop knocking him over the head with my wooden staff, he took one swing at me with his sword and killed me. ONE SWING! Damn Player-Killer! I lost all my gold! El Diablo will hunt you down...

Item 7. This rant really sucks.

This is probably due to the fact that I'm making this up as I go along. Sue me.

Item 8. Remnant's drawings suck.

I mean, look at their faces. First off, the expressions never change. Nothing ever changes on those faces. (Don't get me started on the faces...) Second of all, they look like they were stretched diagonally or something. Either that, or they were born with a very strange skull formation and development. But hey, Remmie actually DID something, and that's a change. There's still time left to perfect his drawings before the end of the world.

Item 9. POP SINGERS SUCK.

From the Backdoor Boys, N Stink (or Lip Sync, whichever you prefer), Shitney Queers, Chritina Faguilara, whoever. They suck. All their songs sound all the fucking same. Same tune, same words, none of which they wrote themselves. What the hell's up with that? They smile while they're singing about breaking up with the "love of their lives". Fuck that. Damn teenagers who want fame. And they all fucking look like their parents beat them over the head when they were young. Their eyes are fucking lower than their noses! And whenever they're singing, they sound like they're sucking a penis and bringing themselves to orgasm at the same time. Always moaning after every other word they "sing". They fucking disgust me!

Item 10. Radio sucks.

Like, seriously. The only good thing on radio is classical. You know that's pretty sad. I was flipping through the radio stations. One-third is pop. See above rant section. One-third is Jazz. The hell with jazz, it fucking disgusts me too. So damned boring makes me wanna sleep or go watch paint dry or something. One-sixth is "mix" which royally sucks my ass, one-twelvth of it is bitches talking about their useless lives and jobs, and one-twelvth is pure crap-rock, with chance occasionings of good music. Um, I'm not too good at math, so don't come yelling at me if those don't work out. Bite me. My math teacher's a Romanian (Not that I have anything against them) who doesn't speak English. Not to mention that she hates me. Hard to learn stuff when she kicks me out of the class for asking my friends to explain something for me. In the middle of the class, she'll turn around and say "Are you agree with me, Jeffrey?" and this other guy in my class named Marshman would mouth "All you base are belong to us, Jeffrey?" and I'd crack a smile. At which she'd kick me out of class. Which brings me to my next point.

Item 11. My school sucks.

Right. Academy for Gifted Children. That makes me smarter than you. Waaaay smarter, which gives me the privelage to write this rant. Heh. Academy for Gifted Children my anus. Half the teachers ask for things that are so deadly obvious it makes me wanna cry. But then, there are the occasional English teacher who actually has brains. She can actually look for something "deeper", but is typical. Like, oh, war is so evil, it corrupts the little children, and people who grow up in broken families usually go bad, and she gives all these typical reasons for things. Don't these teachers get it? Everyone is fucking unique! Oh well. What do you expect from a school like mine? It's an absolute fucking disaster. One cable modem's conected to over thirty-five networked computers, which gives us about 2kb/hr each. Half the crappers don't even flush, and the pissers are three inches below our crotches. Not to mention that our Module and Annex and Portable are made out of styrofoam. My friend jumped once, and the whole building shook. This kid did a test on the drinking fountain water for his science fair experiment, and it turns out that it has a PH of 5.5. The fountain water rises when somebody flushes. Although it could be hooked up to a main water line, that seriosuly freaks me out.

Item 12. Reave Sucks.

By popular request, here goes a guest rant inside a guest rant. Reave is an absolute asshole from the ARTail EZBoard. He's the flaming turkey that needs a good ego bursting. Like, seriously. The guy explodes at the smallest fucking thing! Insulting people for not knowing things that they shouldn't know in the first place. Quote, "Ignorance is *NOT* a replacement for common sense.", Reave. Jesus by Christ, this guy must've had a fucked up childhood. He needs to calm down. It's a freakin wonder people still go to his board after what he does. Many nights we gathered and prayed to God to strike him down with fire and thunder. But so far, it hasn't worked. We shall continue to fast and pray, hoping for a miracle. Please support us.

Item 13. My lack of intelligence really, really sucks.

OK. I have no idea what the hell I'm saying. It's 1:34 AM here in Richmond Hill (Ontario, Canada) and I haven't gotten any sleep. I'm not allowed to drink beer, so I can't be drunk; I don't do any drugs, not that I remember; and I haven't looked at my pr0nmail yet. So what the hell could be wrong with me? I need to write another depressive poem or two. That always cheers me up.

In the immortal words of Mortis: "It's a good thing THAT all made sense!"